Doing Self-help
The self-help industry often feels misaligned with the deeper realities of life. It emphasizes doing—practices, tools, and steps aimed at “improving” ourselves—while unintentionally perpetuating the idea that we’re broken or incomplete. While activities like meditation, yoga, or affirmations can be beneficial, they can also foster a mindset of striving rather than accepting.
At its core, self-help suggests a list of “shoulds,” prescribing actions for us to follow in pursuit of happiness, mindfulness, or fulfillment. But true, lasting change doesn’t come from external directives. It arises from within, shaped by our unique experiences and authentic realizations. When we come to our truths naturally, they tend to endure. Conversely, externally imposed changes often feel temporary or inauthentic, like attempting to conform to someone else’s blueprint for life.
Rethinking Contentment
Contentment is often presented as the ultimate goal, a state of being to chase and achieve. Yet the act of seeking it tends to push it further out of reach. Contentment isn’t something tangible to acquire or maintain; it’s a byproduct of fully engaging with life. When we embrace every facet of existence—the joys, pains, and uncertainties—we align with life’s natural ebb and flow.
Chasing only positive experiences while avoiding discomfort creates resistance, which breeds dissatisfaction. Ironically, it is our resistance to life’s inevitable hardships that amplifies our discontent. Contentment, then, is not about eliminating pain or difficulty but about accepting them as integral to the human experience.
Growth Through Pain
Self-help frequently portrays growth as something to actively pursue, often accompanied by strategies, steps, and milestones. Yet genuine growth is a constant, organic process. It doesn’t require meticulous planning or intellectual effort—it arises naturally through the challenges and mistakes we encounter.
Pain, though uncomfortable, is an essential driver of growth. It pushes us to confront what no longer serves us and fuels transformation. While the self-help narrative often seeks to sanitize or rationalize growth, the truth is that growth is messy, visceral, and deeply felt. It happens in the heart and body, not in carefully constructed to-do lists.
The Art of Being
Authentic growth emerges not from trying to meet external standards but from embracing our truest selves. Living authentically doesn’t mean passivity; it means allowing ourselves to engage fully with life as it unfolds. When we stop striving to “get it right,” we create space for life to teach us its lessons naturally. These lessons come not because we sought them but because we were open to receiving them.
Perhaps the more valuable question isn’t “What should I do to grow?” but “What does it feel like to simply exist in this moment?”
Embracing Wholeness
Life is not a problem to solve or a challenge to overcome. It is a tapestry of experiences—joyful, painful, and mundane—that collectively create a rich and meaningful existence. When we stop trying to curate a life composed only of desirable moments, we open ourselves to the fullness of life’s complexity.
Contentment and growth are not destinations or achievements; they are natural outcomes of embracing life as it is. By letting go of the need to control or perfect, we can align with life’s inherent wholeness. This perspective isn’t a rigid formula but an invitation to view life differently. Whether it resonates with you or not, life will continue to unfold, offering its lessons along the way.